It is fantastic when you notice questions on sites like Yahoo Answers and WikiAnswers that absolutely blow your mind. After taking a minute to realize that there is a person out there seriously asking this question, you realize that the fact that this person can even function in the world enough to locate and use a computer is a miracle. Well, either that, or you realize that it's a child. Anyway, people really use these sites to find out information that they will then use to make decisions in their lives. The best part is that they rely on complete strangers to supply this information. Strangers that are normally unqualified and unreliable. Even if they say over and over that they have been a doctor for 30 years, there is a huge possibility that they are, in fact, a 14 year old boy who hates the world and who wants to fuck with people's lives. That being said, it is always amusing to just look through the most recently asked questions and pick out some favorites, and I did just that:
- "Why does my cat act like it has no balance and can't walk when I put a little sweater on him?" - Maybe it's because your cat thinks you're a bitch and it's too busy praying for you to get a boyfriend just so you'll leave him alone... But seriously, sweaters don't belong on animals. They have sweaters already. It's called fur. Also, the cat isn't acting like it has no balance and can't walk; He literally can not do those things when his mind is filled with bloodthirsty rage.
- "Does tobacco kill birds?" - This question at least has some hold on reality. Smoke goes into the air, birds fly in the air, therefore, birds could possibly get lung cancer or something of the sort. But really, the question gets dumber when you think just a little bit harder. If birds got second hand smoke solely because they are in the air, every living being in the world would be suffering the repercussions of second-hand smoke because we live in that air too. It would be easy to understand asking this question if you were stoned or something and just blurted it out, but to really think that hard about it that you had to go and ask it on one of these sites is kinda sad.
- "Is it bad to be sore after a work out?" - Really? Have you ever exerted yourself physically in any way before? Not being at least a little bit sore after a workout means you have to step it up a notch. That's one of the main reasons why people hate working out. It sucks even after it's done.
- "What is the first letter of an eight letter word meaning wealthy?" - Dude, seriously... If you are cheating on a crossword puzzle by going online, at least use a thesaurus or something instead of waiting possibly days before some jackass will answer you with the letter z or q.
- "How close can the ocean bottom get to the ocean surface?" - You ever heard of a beach? You know, that place where the ocean floor and the surface of the water meet. People go there and bring umbrellas and towels and volleyballs. There's normally some waves and shit. Anything closer is pretty much impossible.
- "How do you clean anal for anal sex?" - I'm really hoping that you know that it's not actually called your anal.
- "What happends if you want to be famous and you dont havea famous number and you want to be famous realy bad and your jelous of the jonas brothers?" - I sincerely hope that you are a child. Also, I was not aware of this famous number situation. Is that why I'm not famous either?
- "How much jail time can you face for child endangerment and neglect in TN?" - Seriously? Why would you be asking the idiots, children, and generally evil people on the internet when you really should be asking a lawyer. P.S. You're a dick. Get off the computer and, in the slim chance that they haven't been taken away yet, go take care of your child/children.
- "How do you in vagina?" - Seriously... children should not be learning this stuff online, especially from strangers. People will either lie and ruin this kids life, or they will tell the truth like they are talking to an adult and scare him away from any semblance of a normal sex life.
- "Can a woman get HIV infection from two different men if she has sex with them at different times?" - Okay, first of all, if you get HIV infection, you HAVE IT. There's no getting it a second time because it never goes away. Second of all, you're a slut. I'm sure you're already aware, but I'm just putting that out there. Third of all, I'm not even sure why you had to clarify that these particular men were sexed up by you at "different times." As if that decreases your chances of contracting HIV. It's really depressing to know that these are the people out there being fruitful and multiplying.
To top it all off, here's a lovely example of internet question sites gone bad. The person who answered this gets some mad internetz in my book if they made that all up. Chances are, however, that they were serious, in which case, they should go try the spell out themselves.
It's not as if very many people celebrate the initial reasons for Halloween anymore, or for any other holiday for that matter. We basically celebrate dressing up and free candy for Halloween just like we celebrate fireworks, glowsticks, and barbecues on the 4th of July, and bunnies and eggs on Easter. There are very few people that actually appreciate the original meaning behind any of the holidays anymore, so why don't you focus your hatred on those people and not the 5 year olds dressed as fairies that come to your door. You're probably one of those people that sits with the TV blasting and all the lights on, just to let everyone know that you're home, but you'd rather listen to the "heathens" pressing your doorbell all night than put a sign out saying you don't have any candy. But enough about the idiocy of saying Halloween is against god.
